How Do I Know If I’m Non-Binary?

May 28

A gentle guide for Deaf and gender-questioning youth (and anyone else asking)

If you're wondering “Am I non-binary?” — know this: the question itself is meaningful. It means you’re listening to yourself. That’s a powerful and brave thing to do.

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. You don’t need to “prove” anything. You don’t need to fit a box, pass a test, or use any language that doesn’t feel right. You are allowed to explore.

Let’s slow it down. You can take this one step at a time.

What Does “Non-Binary” Mean?

Non-binary is a term for people whose gender doesn’t fit neatly into “male” or “female.” That can mean:

You feel like a mix of genders
You feel like no gender at all
Your gender changes over time
You just don’t feel like “man” or “woman” fits

It’s a big umbrella — and it’s okay if your identity shifts, expands, or stays undefined. Some people use “non-binary.” Others might say agender, genderfluid, Two-Spirit, enby (N.B.), or something else.

Your words are your own.

You Might Be Non-Binary If

Here are some things other non-binary people have shared:

You feel uncomfortable when people assume your gender
You’ve never quite felt like a “boy” or a “girl” — just… you
You’ve wanted to change your name, pronouns, or how you dress
You feel good when someone uses “they/them” or other neutral terms for you
You want more freedom than the gender roles you were assigned at birth

These aren’t rules — they’re clues. You don’t have to relate to all of them. Even one “yes” can be a sign.

Deaf, Queer, and Questioning?

If you're Deaf and exploring your gender, you might feel extra pressure to explain yourself in both signed and spoken/written language. That’s hard — but you’re not alone.

ASL doesn’t always have signs for every gender identity. But that doesn’t mean your identity isn’t real. You can create signs. You can name your experience in your own way.

Language is flexible. What matters most is how you feel inside — not what others expect from you.

You Can Try Things Out

You don’t have to be 100% sure to explore:

Try using different pronouns with trusted friends
See how different clothes or hairstyles make you feel
Use a new name in safe spaces
Sign about yourself in new ways — see what feels right in your body and heart

It’s not “pretending.” It’s learning what fits. That’s discovery, not confusion.

You Are Still You

No matter how you identify, your worth doesn't change. You don’t have to “pick a side.” You don’t need to be “trans enough.” If you feel seen by the word non-binary — or even maybe non-binary — that’s enough.

Give yourself time, kindness, and community.

Want to Talk to Someone?

Join a youth support circle with the Liberating Purple Star Collective
Watch ASL videos of other non-binary and trans youth sharing their stories
Email or DM us — someone from our team will listen without judgment
You are not alone. You never have to figure it all out by yourself.

gurpreet kaur